Trust is a fickle thing
by Natascha Romanoff
Summary: Steve and Natasha's relationship is about to change from friendship to romance, when Bucky shows up and asks her to keep him a secret from Steve.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter I

"I had a great time tonight, Steve." Natasha said with a bright smile on her face after Steve had walked her home. They had been to Shakespeare in the Park and afterwards stopped by a diner for fries and milkshakes. She'd really enjoyed tonight. "Thanks for inviting me."

"You're welcome." He smiled fondly. She could basked in the way he looked at her forever. And she was itching to run her hands through his longer hair and the beard he currently had. He'd grown his hair for a undercover mission and decided to keep it after it had ended. The look really suited him and it gave him some kind of privacy since he wasn't so recognizable anymore.

He was still smiling at her and she smiled back. Warmth was blooming in her chest and she was glad that she wasn't blushing. No one had ever looked at her the way Steve was looking at her. They had been dancing around crossing the line to being more than just friends for months now, and she couldn't help but feel like tonight had been a _date_. Not that she had ever been on a real one.

Natasha wasn't romantic, not at all, she scoffed at things that made other people swoon, but Steve Rogers...God, he made her feel things that she had always thought that she was incapable of. He had changed her forever. For the first time in her life, she wanted romance. She wanted a boyfriend. God, what happened to her?

"Natasha?" He asked carefully while looking at her intensely.

"Yes?" She licked her lips because of the emotions she could see in his eyes and his gaze immediately dropped to her mouth.

"Can I...Can I kiss you?" His expression was a mix between nervousness and hope. And on top of that, he also managed to give her a little sheepish smile.

There had been a lot of almost kisses in the last months with interruptions or one of them bailing in the last moment, but she knew that it would finally happen today. The moment was here and it was perfect.

"Yes." She was almost giddy and felt like one of those women on TV who finally got their dream guy.

He beamed at her and leaned forward, his big and warm hands cupping her face and he softly pressed his lips against hers. They were both smiling and just kissed each other for what felt like a lifetime and yet it wasn't long enough. She had pictured this moment for so long and she was happy to report that Steve lived up to her expectations. He was an amazing kisser! He kissed her so softly and with so much care that she wanted to melt.

Her arms were hugging his waist when he pulled away with a soft smile on his face. "I've wanted to do that for a long time, Nat."

"I know. Me, too." She whispered back and gave him a peck on his lips just because she could do that now.

Steve smiled with his eyes closed and she felt something in her chest fluttering. He opened his eyes and looked down at her. "I think we should do that again."

"The date or the kissing?" She grinned and Steve nuzzled her nose with his.

"Both." His thumb brushed over her cheekbone and she was amazed at how affectionate he was and how much she liked it. "Goodnight, Natasha."

"Goodnight." She echoed and kissed him again.

Natasha watched him walking down the street and he turned around to look at her with a big smile on his face before he disappeared around the corner and was out of her sight.

She walked up to her apartment, smiling to herself. Kissing him had felt right. She was a bit terrified about the change in their relationship, but she was ready to take the next step. She wanted to date him. She wanted a _romantic_ relationship with him.

She opened her front door and immediately froze on the spot. Someone was in here. She could sense it. She went for the gun hidden underneath the little table where she put her keys, and walked further into the apartment. Who the fuck was so stupid to break into _her_ place? Did they have some kind of death wish?

She got into the kitchen and the intruder was sitting at her kitchen table from what she could make out in the dark.

"Natalia, hello."

She flicked the light switch on and was looking at the Winter Soldier, but he didn't have that dead look in his eyes. "Barnes?"

"Sorry for breaking in." He nodded at her gun. "You don't need that. I'm not here to hurt you. I...I didn't know where else to go."

She eyed him carefully and decided in the end to put her gun away. He didn't pose a threat at the moment. "What about Rogers' place? He's been looking for you for _years_! What are you doing in _my_ apartment?"

"Because you know what it's like." He took a deep breath. "Steve doesn't and I'm more than grateful for that. He doesn't know what it's like to be a _weapon_. You and I do."

She sat down at the kitchen table. "You seem like you're in control."

"I am. I should be, as long as no one says my words. I _remember_ you, Natalia. I remember that I trained you. I helped them turn you into their pawn." He looked at the kitchen table and then back at her. "I'm sorry."

"We were both pawns, but now we're free. I should call Steve-"

"No! Don't! I'm not ready. I can't...I don't wanna see him yet." He gave her a pleading look. "Don't tell him."

Keeping this from Steve made her feel nauseous. She couldn't lie to him. She'd promised herself after SHIELD's fall that she would never lie to him again. She _couldn't_ lie to him, especially now when things were changing between them. God, five minutes ago she had been on cloud nine and now _this_.

"Steve is my friend. And he looked everywhere for you! He's beating himself up for not saving you."

He released a heavy sigh. "I know. But I can't face him yet. He's looking for his best friend Bucky and I'm not that person anymore. I don't know if I'll ever be him again. Please, don't tell him."

"So what's your plan? And why are you in my kitchen?" She avoided answering his request.

If she told Steve that she had seen Barnes, she knew that he would leave the city before Steve would even have the chance to try talking to him. She didn't want to get his hopes up. But if Steve somehow found out that she had seen his best friend and hadn't told him about it...She didn't think that he would forgive her. And she hadn't even told him yet that she knew Barnes from the Red Room. That he had been her trainer. He had been in the room when she had killed her first target and then he'd slapped her for being sloppy. She didn't think that Steve would take that information very well.

"There's still stuff I have to work through. And there's a book with my words in it. My _trigger_ words. I have to find it before someone else does. I was hoping you would help me in tracking it down." He gave her a sheepish look and for the first time he looked like the charming guy that Steve had told her about. "And I was hoping I could stay here for a while."

"What?!"

"Your couch looks nice."

She raised her eyebrow at him, starting to feel infuriated. "You want me to lie to Steve and sleep on my couch? So you expect that I'm just gonna work with him and keep the fact that his long lost best friend is crashing on my couch a secret?"

"I know I'm asking a lot and I get that you don't like to keep that from him since the two of you are... you know." He trailed off and smiled a little. How much did he know? Had he been watching them? She crossed her arms over her chest, she was starting to get really pissed. "I will see Steve. Eventually. I promise you that. And I won't tell him that you let me stay here. I go see Steve as soon as we have that book, okay? But as long as that book is out there, I'm a threat. A threat to Steve."

She knew deep down that he was manipulating her. Steve's safety was the most importing thing to her. "One month. You can stay here for a month and we look for that book. And after that month I'll tell Steve that you're here. And you're going to talk to him. Whether we have that book or not. If you don't accept that offer, I will restrain you and call Steve so he can pick you up."

Barnes looked like he was weighing his options. "Okay, fine. I'm not doing this to hurt Steve. Or to jeopardize what you two have. He's still...he's still my best friend. I just want what's best for him. It's my job to protect him. It always has been."

He seemed so sad and confused in that moment that it almost broke her heart. "I know. Or otherwise I wouldn't agree to this." She looked down at her hands in her lap. "I just hope that he'll forgive me." She mumbled quietly. She didn't think that she could take it if he started to hate her. That would kill her.

"He will." Barnes said softly and she glanced back up at him. "He's in love with you. He will forgive you."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter II

Natasha hadn't really gotten much sleep that night and turned her alarm off before her phone rang. She'd kept thinking about the situation she was in now. She could understand Barnes' reluctance to see Steve and that he was simply not ready to embrace that part of his old life, but she also was loyal to Steve. She had seen how much he missed his best friend and how desperately he wanted to find Barnes and bring him home.

And now Barnes was at _her_ home and she couldn't tell Steve about it. At least not now. Barnes was right that he was still a threat to the world and especially to Steve. If Hydra got him back and they sent him as the Winter Soldier after Steve...She knew that Steve wouldn't fight back in a confrontation and...She couldn't even finish that thought. It was too painful. They had to find that book and destroy it so no one could ever turn Barnes into the Winter Soldier again. And then she would tell Steve the truth and beg him for his forgiveness.

She sat up in her bed and looked at her phone again, noticing that Steve had texted her. What had Barnes said yesterday? _He's in love with you. _She knew that Steve had romantic feelings for her, otherwise he wouldn't have kissed her, but someone saying it out loud was just...strange. She knew she felt a lot for him, but she wasn't ready to label it yet.

_I can't stop thinking about last night. About the kiss. It was perfect, Nat. You're perfect._

He sent another one.

_Can I buy you lunch before the team meeting?_

God, she'd completely forgotten about the meeting today. _Shit_! She had no idea how she was going to face Steve! And now he wanted to take her to lunch? Which was probably a date. She wanted to go to lunch with him and she wanted it to be a date. She wanted to kiss him again. But she shouldn't to do any of those things, when she was keeping such a big secret from him. Barnes was his family and she was hiding the fact from him that she knew where he was. God, why did everything have to be so fucked up now? She got to kiss the prince and now her whole fucking life turned into one big and ugly toad!

A knock on her bedroom door startled her. "Natalia? Are you up yet?"

She got out of bed and threw her robe on because she didn't want Barnes to see her in her sleeping wear. She opened the door and Barnes took a step back.

"Yeah. Morning. And stop calling me Natalia. It's Natasha now, Barnes."

"Right." He nodded. "Natasha. Sorry. You don't have to call me Barnes. You can call me-" He paused and she scrutinized him. He really seemed to struggle to tell her what to call him. "Call me James. I'm not...I'm not _Bucky_ yet." He decided in the end and she didn't want to think about how Steve would feel about that.

"Okay. James, it is." She sniffed a few times. "Do I smell food?"

His cheeks turned a little bit pink. "Yeah. I made pancakes. I hope that's okay?"

"Let me decided that after I tried them." She joked to ease the tension. Over two years ago he'd shot her in the shoulder and now he was making breakfast in her kitchen. Life was truly strange sometimes.

_James_ wanted to know what their plan was on how to get that book. She told him that she would search her webs for intel and try to see if any of her contacts knew anything about a red book with a black star on it. Maybe they were lucky and someone already had it, trying to sell it to the highest bidder, and they just had to take it from them. Finding it, if it was truly lost would be a lot harder.

"I'll contact a few people that might be helpful this morning." She said after she finished her pancakes. They had been good. "I have a meeting with the others later today. I would appreciate it if you stayed inside. The TV and my books are all yours."

"Will Steve be at the meeting."

"Yes."

He played with the fork on his plate. "I know it's a lot to ask to keep this from him. Thank you for doing this. I know that you don't like it."

She didn't want to talk about that anymore. "The meeting is at two, but I'll leave around noon. There's chicken and vegetables in the freezer. I should be home by six or seven. I'll bring takeout and we can go over everything that you know about Hydra."

He nodded. "Okay. Are you meeting Steve?"

"...Yes."

James smiled a little. "Is he taking you out for lunch? Good. I'm glad that he finally went after what he wanted."

She also didn't want to talk with him about _that_ and left the kitchen to take a shower.

* * *

Steve wanted to pick her up, but she managed to get him to meet her at the bistro. She didn't want him to show up at her door with James hiding in the bathroom or something like that.

She had spent the morning going through the dark web for intel on the book and set up a few programs that would alert her if anyone else would search for anything related to the book.

It was warm outside and she decided to wear a simple top and paper bag pants made out of a light fabric. James had asked her why she wasn't wearing a dress for her lunch date with Steve, but she had just ignored him. She might have worn a sundress if she had only met Steve today, but they had a meeting with the rest of the team and she just didn't want them to see that side of her. And also in what world was she gonna take fashion advice from the Winter Soldier?!

Steve was naturally already there when she arrived and greeted her with a big smile. She took a deep breath, she could do this. She was a natural when it came to lying, she could do this. She was doing it for him. She was protecting him. If the wrong people got their hands on that book...They would send the Winter Soldier after Captain America to kill him and Steve wouldn't fight his best friend. She had to protect him. She took another deep breath and pushed all thoughts about James and that fucking book away.

She smiled at Steve when she was standing in front of him. "Hi."

"Hey." He grinned back and ran a hand through his hair. "How are you?"

_Feeling fucking guilty_. "Good. Great actually after that kiss." She smirked and Steve blushed a little, but he also looked a bit smug.

"Yeah? So you wouldn't be opposed to a repeat?"

She laughed and punched his chest lightly. It was so easy to just focus on Steve and just be in the moment with him. "Nope. I actually demand a repeat."

He lowered his head with a grin on his face and slanted his lips over hers. She was surprised that he kissed her so passionately in public, but no sane person would end such a great kiss. She kissed him eagerly back and finally got to get her hands into his hair. His hair felt like silk and she never wanted him to cut his hair again. Nope, not on her watch.

She had to pull away because she needed air in her lungs and he pecked her lips a few times before he let her out of his embrace. "We got a little bit carried away, didn't we?" He laughed with flushed cheeks.

"Yeah. But it was a great kiss." She winked and his laughter continued. He took her hand and walked with her into the little bistro. She wondered if he was holding hands for the first time in his life as well. Probably not. Not everyone was as messed up as her.

They talked about the play they had seen yesterday over lunch and Steve asked her if she wanted to go out with him tonight. She almost said yes, because she really wanted to, but she remembered her new house guest and came up with an excuse. Should she even go on dates with him before she told him the truth? She knew the answer to that, but she just...She just wanted him so much. Why did this have to happen now, when she was finally ready to act on her feelings for him?

They shared a cab to the Tower and she wondered how many people gave the cab driver that address. He didn't seem to recognize them and she was grateful for that. Neither she nor Steve liked to be recognized in public. Steve wanted to pay for the ride, but she beat him to it. He had already paid for lunch.

The meeting wasn't actually that long, but Tony had new gear that he wanted the team to test out. It was after six pm when they left the Tower. They both hadn't showed any signs that they were more than friends now. She wasn't ready for anyone else to know about that change in their relationship and she was glad that Steve was a very private person himself.

They walked to the subway station together and Steve waited with her for her train, even though he had to take a completely different one. He was just such a gentleman.

"I'm glad we're alone now so I can do this." He gave her a warm smile and cupped her cheek.

"We're surrounded by people." She laughed quietly, but couldn't fight against the urge to lean into his touch. Him touching her felt so different than to when other men had touched her. His touch was special. He made her feel safe in a way she had never felt before. It wasn't right to feel this way when she was keeping a huge secret from him.

Steve's face came closer and she closed her eyes when their lips touched. It was a gentle and tame kiss, but it still warmed her insides. He kissed the corner of her mouth before he pulled away.

"Are you free tomorrow night? I think we should use the fact that the bad guys are laying low right now and go out. A real first date. I pick you up, give you flowers, and then we have dinner somewhere special. I always wanted to do that. And now I finally found the right girl for it."

She bit her lip. The smart thing would be to say no. But the way he looked at her took her breath away and she wanted to make him happy. James would just have to hide in her closet when Steve came to pick her up. "Sounds great."

He beamed at her and pecked her lips. "I pick you up at seven?"

She nodded and her train arrived. "I'm looking forward to it."

"Me, too." Steve kissed her again before she got into the wagon. He was waving at her until he was out if sight. She found an empty seat and sat down. Opposite from her was a couple sitting that seemed to be deeply in love. She wanted that. And she wanted that with Steve. No one else. She just wanted Steve.

* * *

She and James wrote everything down that he could remember from his days as the Winter Soldier. He wasn't sure when he had seen the book for the last time, but he was sure that Pierce hadn't been in possession of it and that it had gotten lost long before SHIELD's fall. It was almost impressive to find out that the Winter Soldier had been behind so many assassinations in the last six decades. A few she was aware of, but others completely took her by surprise.

They were having lunch at her kitchen table while she checked her webs for new intel.

"Did you find anything?"

She shook her head and swallowed the tomato soup down. "No. It looks like that no one else is looking for it."

He brushed his hair out of his face. She wondered briefly if he'd let her cut his hair. "That's good, right?"

"Yeah. But it could also mean that someone already found it."

"Fuck." He leaned back against the kitchen chair. "I've spent the last year trying to find it. I can't even think about what it would mean if someone had it this whole time. Waiting for the right moment to use it."

"There are thousands of possibilities about what could have happend to the book. We should focus on tracking it down and not wasting our energy about what ifs." She put her spoon down. "And you really don't remember your trigger words? I know a trustworthy telepath who could help."

"No. I recognize them the moment I hear them...But I don't know them. Hydra wasn't dumb."

She shrugged her shoulders. "I guess that would have been too easy. Uh, listen. Steve will come by tonight."

James' face went pale. "What?"

"He's just picking me up, but I assume that he wants to come in for a moment. You can hide in the bedroom. I didn't tell him that you're here. Relax."

"Okay. Okay." He nodded absently before he looked at her. "He taking you on a date?"

She hesitated for a moment. "Yes."

"That's nice." His smile turned into a grin. "Are you gonna wear a dress?"

"What is it with your obsession with dresses?" She threw her hands in the air. "If you like them so much, just wear one!"

She heard his laughter for the first time. "I don't think I would look good in one. Stevie is an artist, he likes the female body. He was always flustered, when a pretty dame wore a dress."

She was going to wear a pretty black number tonight, but she wasn't going to tell him that now. "What? Are you gonna help me seduce your best friend?"

He shook his head in amusement. "I don't think you need any help with that. He worships the ground you walk on. I've seen the way he looks at you."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "So you_ were_ watching us? How long? When?"

His eyes widened like he hadn't realized that he had given himself away. "Shit. I...I've been looking after Steve from time to time...Whenever I was in the States or he was on my tail. I saw the two of you together." He smiled a little. "You two are together _a lot_. I know Steve, and I know that he's head over heels in love with you. I wouldn't have told you that, if I didn't know that you know it, too. And I know that you're in love with him as well."

She felt suddenly very uncomfortable. "I...I need to stretch my legs for a bit." She stood up from the table, grabbed her phone and keys, and left the apartment. The last thing she wanted to do was to talk about her feelings.

* * *

She applied her lipstick and checked her make up in the mirror. She looked pretty good. She had her hair in a chignon and was wearing the little black dress paired with black stilettos. She checked her phone, Steve would be here in ten minutes. She did a twirl in front of the mirror, happy with what she saw. Look at her getting ready for a date with Steve. If this wasn't growth, then she didn't knew what was.

James knocked on the bedroom door. "Steve will be here soon. I have to hide."

She sighed. Maybe she hadn't grown at all, because she was lying to the man she lo...to her friend. She put the lipstick in her clutch and opened the door.

James whistled. "Look at you! I can't believe that Steve's the one going out with a pretty dame and I'm stuck at home."

"You chose this." She reminded him. "And you made me your accomplice!"

He dropped his eyes to the floor. "I know. I'm sorry." He looked back up to her. "Should I wait up or are you gonna spend the night at Steve's?"

She rolled her eyes and walked past by him. "I don't know why Steve cares so much about you!"

James chuckled and closed the door behind him. God, she felt so guilty about the fact that Steve would soon be a few feet away from his best friend without knowing it. Should she just tell him? If she told him now, maybe things wouldn't be so bad between them?

She contemplated about her situation and decided not to tell him. She had given James an ultimatum and she would stick with it. As long as that book was out there, Steve was in danger.

Her doorbell rang and she got up, smoothing down her dress, and opened the door. Steve was wearing a dark grey suit with no tie and had a beautiful bouquet of wildflowers in his hands.

"Hi." He smiled brightly. "You look incredible."

"Thank you. So do you." She grinned back and gave him a quick peck as a greeting. "Hey."

"Hi." He kissed her again and then handed her the flowers. "These are for you."

"Thanks. They're beautiful. Just let me get a vase for them and then we can leave."

He nodded and followed her into the kitchen. She and James had swiped the apartment earlier to make sure that nothing could tip off Steve that someone else was here. She got a vase out of the cupboard and filled it with water while Steve told her about the restaurant that they were going to. She placed the vase with the flowers onto her coffee table and gladly took the arm Steve offered her, and they left the apartment.

* * *

Steve had chosen a beautiful, little Italian restaurant and the food was really good. They talked about anything they could think of and she was delighted that Steve was comfortable enough to really flirt with her. Who knew that he was so smooth? They laughed a lot and she was truly happy. Steve made her happy.

His hand was on her lower back when he led out of the restaurant and he offered her his jacket when they were outside. She accepted it gratefully, it was colder than she had expected, and he helped her into it.

She breathed his scent in and smiled at him. "Do you want to get ice cream?"

He chuckled, wrapping his arm around her shoulders to pull her against him. "I thought you were cold?"

"We can also get cake or muffins." She looked up at him. God, he was so gorgeous. And so sweet and wonderful. "I don't wanna go home yet."

He pressed a kiss to her temple. "Me neither. I think there's a cafe near by. They should still be open." He took her hand, lacing their fingers together, and led her to the cafe. She loved the fact that he was touching her so much.

They ordered cake and milkshakes to go and walked the little distance to the park near by. They found an empty park bench and sat down.

"I'm so happy this is finally happening." Steve said, handing her a piece of lemon cake. "That we are finally happening. I...I think about you all the time."

She smiled a little. She was still overwhelmed by the fact that he was so open, but she was getting used to it. "I'm sorry it took me so long."

"Don't be. I would have waited as long as you needed me to." He was suddenly kissing her. Her hand landed on the nape of his neck and she moved her lips softly against his. She'd never had kissed someone that much before and she loved it. She loved h...No, she wasn't ready yet. He pulled away and kissed the tip of her nose which made her giggle a little bit. Steve smiled and pulled away. "I knew that I wanted to be with you, but I wasn't sure if I should be with you."

"What?" She moved a couple of inches away from him, feeling hurt. Had he lied? Did her past bother him in the end?

"I wasn't sure if I could be what you needed." He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "This had nothing to do with you. It's just...Bucky is still out there and I didn't know if I could focus entirely on you when I was still looking for him. Can I be a good boyfriend, when I could leave any minute to chase someone who doesn't want to be found? Would my obsession with finding him jeopardize what we could have? I thought about this a lot. And I decided to stop looking for him. He doesn't want to be found. Unless there's a real chance to find him, I'm going to stay here." He cupped her face and she tried her best to will the tears away. She wanted to tell him, but she couldn't. The words just wouldn't come out of her mouth. "You are my priority. I want to be with you. I want to enjoy my life. With you."

"Steve?" She managed to breathe out.

"Hm?"

She knew that this was the moment to tell him. If she told him now, then everything would still be okay with them. They still had a future together. But instead she leaned forward and pressed their lips together. She kissed him desperately, pouring everything she couldn't tell him into it, and only pulled away when they were both out of breath.

Steve licked his lips and smiled. "I take it from that kiss that you want that, too? To be with me?"

"Yes."

"So we're boyfriend and girlfriend now?"

She chuckled and tugged on his beard. "Pretty fast for a first date."

He turned his head and pressed a kiss to her palm. "No, sweetheart. This has been a long time coming."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter III

Looking for that fucking book turned out to be a huge pain in the ass. James and she had already gone through pretty much every SHIELD file that she had released two years ago in the hopes of finding anything.

Natasha was packing her suitcase for a conference in DC. She and Steve, as the leaders of the Avengers, had been invited to a conference on national security. James was sitting in the living room when she came out of the bedroom with her trolley in tow.

"You really don't remember when exactly the last time was they used the book?" She asked while she checked her purse if she had everything that she needed.

He shook his head. "No. There are so many pieces of my memory missing. I sometimes see faces, but I have no names for them."

"I don't remember everything about my time in the Red Room, either." She shouldered her bag. "My contact in Kiev should send us soon the files of the KGB officials from the last three decades. I'm sure a few of them are HYDRA. Maybe one of them has your book."

"It's not _my_ book."

"You know what I mean." James walked with her to the front door. "I'll be back in two days. Try not to burn the place down."

He rolled his eyes. "I do my best." He shoved her with his elbow. It was the first time that he touched her. She'd noticed during the week he was here now that he seemed to get more comfortable. "So you're going on a romantic trip with Stevie?"

"Yes." She deadpanned. "What's more romantic than a trip to DC to attend a conference at the Pentagon."

"You're hilarious. I've noticed that you haven't gone out with Steve since that date a couple of days ago."

That was true. She had been busy with James and the book, and Steve had taken a small team down to Peru. He'd just come home yesterday.

"Bye, James." She simply said and left the apartment. Happy was already downstairs and drove her to the airport where Steve was waiting in front of the SI private jet that would take them to DC.

The flight was uneventful and they checked into their hotel. Apparently Pepper had booked a suite for them with two bedrooms, but Natasha was still amused that she hadn't just booked two hotel rooms. She knew that Pepper thought that she and Steve were perfect for each other. She figured that Pepper would be the first one that she would tell about her and Steve when she was ready to tell people about them.

She opened the door with Steve behind her who carried their suitcases. Someone of the hotel had offered to do that, but Steve had insisted to do it himself.

"Wow!" He said behind her after they'd walked into the suite. "This is really nice."

It really was. They had a view onto the Potomac river and the suite itself was luxuriously furnished. She was sure that the bathtub was a whirlpool and she was so gonna use it after the conference and all the meetings tomorrow night.

Steve gently grabbed her wrist and twirled her around. She laughed and he smiled, pulling her into his arms. "Hi. Thank God, we're finally alone and I can do this." He captured her lips in a soft kiss.

"Hi." She pulled him back into another kiss.

"I feel like I haven't really seen you since our date." He wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her neck. "I miss you."

She rested her head on his shoulder. It was new for her that he liked to touch her so much and was so open in expressing what he felt, but she liked it. She wanted to do the same. She ran her hands over his back. "I...I missed you, too." And she'd really had.

He pressed a kiss to her skin before he moved away to look at her. "The business aspect of this trip doesn't start until tomorrow, so do you wanna do something?" He took her hands into his and gave her a boyish grin. "I wanna do something with my girl."

"Your girl, huh?" She smirked, secretly very pleased. She hadn't belonged with anyone in...She didn't think she'd ever had. "Do you think that ice cream parlor is still there that we used to go to when we worked at the Trikelion?"

"Let's find out." He said excitedly and they left the hotel.

The ice cream parlor was gone much to their disappointment, but they found a food truck near by that sold bubble waffles. Natasha couldn't resist to wipe the chocolate sauce off Steve's lip and offer him her finger to lick it off. His eyes darkened briefly and she felt pretty hot herself. Would they sleep in one bed tonight? She tried not to think about the night that was ahead of them and what could possibly happen, and just focused on Steve.

Waffle crumbs were in his beard and she had to laugh. He gave her a questioning look and she wiped the crumbs off with her napkin. He started to laugh as well and leaned forward to kiss her.

"Mm, you taste good." He whispered against her lips.

"It's the waffles."

"Nope. It's you." He grinned and kissed her again.

"You know, I'm really surprised that you can be so smooth, Rogers."

He seemed really pleased with that. "It's just easy being like this with you. I can be myself with you."

They took a stroll through the area, holding hands, looking like every other couple. No one recognized them and she enjoyed just walking around with her _boyfriend_.

Holy shit, she had a boyfriend.

They went back to the hotel when it was getting dark and ordered room service. They hadn't even noticed before that the suite had a balcony and had dinner there.

"That's quite romantic." She remarked after Steve pulled her chair out for her.

He sat down opposite from her at the small table. "You think Pepper did this on purpose?"

"Oh, I _know_ she did." She smiled and took a sip from her wine. "She really wants us to be together."

He laughed, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "So does Sam. He's really invested in us. It's almost sad."

They gossiped about their friends over dinner and she was almost nervous when it was time to go to bed. Would something happen tonight? Was it too soon for that? Had he even ever been with a woman before?

They had watched the news on the couch in the living room of the suite, cuddling, and she was still in his arms, realizing that she wanted to fall asleep in them. But she was too chicken to ask him to sleep in the same bed as her.

"I think it's time to go to bed." She sat up and immediately missed the feeling of his arms around her. "Tomorrow is gonna be hectic."

"Yeah." He nodded and stood up from the couch, offering her his hand to get up as well. "So...So I see you in the morning? Goodnight, Nat." He smiled a little and pecked her lips. "Sleep well."

"Yeah. You, too."

God, why was this suddenly so awkward?! She kissed him again and then disappeared into her room. She got ready for bed and tried to fall asleep without thinking about Steve, James or that goddamn book.

Steve had already ordered breakfast when she stepped into the living room and she was very pleased when Steve's gaze wandered appreciatively over her. Apparently he not only liked women in dresses, but also in pencil skirts.

"Good morning." He came over to her and kissed her. "You look great."

"Morning." She felt the urge to hug him, so she did. He immediately wrapped his arms around her. "So do you in your suit. You should wear them more often." She mumbled into his chest and he kissed the top of her head. This was nice, so very nice. She understood now why most people wanted to be in relationships.

"I ordered french toast for you. I hope that's okay?"

She looked up at him with her chin on his chest. "It's perfect. Thank you, honey." She froze. That had just slipped out of her. Her cheeks were getting hot and she was so embarrassed.

Steve just smiled at her and kissed her briefly. "Let's eat. We have to leave soon or we'll be late for the conference." She nodded and tried to leave his embrace, but his arms were firmly wrapped around her. "And don't be embarrassed. You can call me whatever you want."

The conference went for hours, and she and Steve tried afterwards to talk with as much politicians as possible to get them on their side. The Avengers weren't so popular anymore after Ultron and they had to gain the people's trust back. The public seemed to mostly still like them, but a few politics had been talking about restrictions for them which Steve did not like at all. She knew he didn't care about rules if anyone needed his help. It was a noble character treat, but it could also cause a lot of problems for them.

A staffer of the White House approached them, inviting Steve to a dinner with the President. The man left and Steve turned to her. "I was kind of hoping we would have the evening to ourselves, but a dinner with the President sounds kinda nice as well." He looked around to make sure that no one was paying attention to them. "We could have drinks on the balcony afterwards. There's a full moon tonight. Might be pretty romantic."

She smiled, he was so sweet and good that he hadn't even noticed that he was the only one who had been invited. "I'm not going. The invitation was only for you."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "What? The guy said..._Oh_. Well, you're coming with me, of course. You're a member of the team. You're my second-in-command." He said stubbornly.

"No." She shook her head and he crossed his arms. "You're going alone. We need the President's support. You saw that Thunderbolt isn't a fan of us. And he's a close confidant of Ellis. The President only wants to dine with you and we have to give him that. We need him on our side."

He didn't look happy, but he nodded. "Okay. I'll go to the White House tonight."

"Thank you."

Steve left with an excusing smile on his face after he'd kissed her goodbye and she'd taken a long bath in the giant tub, the whirlpool function massaging her back, before she sat down in her hotel bed, checking if anyone had searched for the book.

Her contact in Kiev had emailed her that he would send the files tomorrow. It would be really helpful if James recognized one of them as his handler. If they had a name, they had finally something to base their search on. Maybe the handler still had the book or knew where it was. She just hoped that that person was still alive.

She wanted to wait up for Steve, but it was already 11 pm and she was starting to get tired. She closed her laptop, put it on the bedside table, and laid down. She fell asleep before Steve got back.

She woke up, feeling horrible. She dreamed that Steve had found out that she had been hiding his best friend at her apartment and he had been furious, breaking up with her. She checked the time and it was only midnight. Her chest felt tight and she had trouble to breathe. She focused on her breathing and calmed slowly down. She heard the front door of the suite open and hold her breath. Why did Steve have to come back now?!

She took a few deep breaths and got out of bed to greet Steve. He was loosing his tie when she came into the living room. "Shit. Did I wake you? I'm sorry!"

"No. No, don't worry." She sat down on the couch. "How was it?"

"He was mostly talking about golf and his plans after his presidency ends. And he mentioned more than once that his daughter is single." He shook his head and sat down beside her. "The whole thing was pretty pointless. We didn't talk about the Avengers once. I think he just wanted a photo with Captain America." He pulled her into his arms and she immediately relaxed. "I would have rather spend the evening with you."

"You could have joined me in the bathtub. It's definitely big enough for two." She brushed her fingertips over his stomach.

She heard him gulp. "Yeah...that's...that sounds very good."

She chuckled and snuggled into his embrace. She was pretty sure that he was completely inexperienced which excited her a lot. She would be the first and hopefully only one he would ever be intimate with. _Only one? _Was she really already thinking that far? She wasn't going to think about that right now.

Steve ran his hand over her bare arm and she felt him bury his face in her hair. She wanted to stay like this forever. "Can I sleep in your bed tonight?" She blurted out, already drifting off.

His arm stopped moving and he pulled his face away from her hair. "Are you sure? Does that mean that you...that you want to have sex tonight? I haven't...uh, I haven't-"

She leaned up to kiss him. "I just want to sleep in your arms. I don't want to sleep with you tonight. Not yet."

He looked visibly relieved. "It's not that I don't want to, Nat. I _do_. It's just...I don't want it to happen in a hotel room. I want it to mean something."

"And it will." She stood up and led him by his hands to her bed. "Let's just get some sleep. Okay, babe?"

He nodded. "You heard what I said earlier, right? That I've never done it before. There were a lot of offers after the serum, but it didn't feel right."

"I know and I don't care." She kissed him softly. "It doesn't matter. It will happen one day and it will be wonderful because it's you."

He smiled sheepishly. "I think about it a lot, though." She raised an eyebrow in amusement. Seemed like even Cap was only a man after all. "About being with you like that."

"You have to tell me about that one day." She grinned and leaned up to playfully bite his lip. Steve's hands on her waist tightened a little bit and he groaned. "I'm sure we can reenact some of it."

She slept heavenly that night with her head on his chest and his strong arms wrapped around her. She had to talk to James when she was back in New York. She couldn't lose Steve. He meant everything to her. This meant everything to her.

* * *

Konstantin, her contact in Kiew, had been a little shit, and sent the files to different places all over New York. She'd spent almost the entire day collecting them. James had made sandwiches by the time she got home and she just handed him the files and flopped down on her couch. It had been pretty hot today, and she was exhausted.

She bit into a sandwich while James took a look at the files. "That's it?"

"He couldn't get me more without raising suspicions. Russia and lots of Eastern European countries had their own investigations after Hydra was discovered. These are suspects that were rumored to be Hydra, but there was no proof. Maybe you are that proof."

He nodded absently and flicked through the files. Her phone vibrated and she picked it up. Steve had texted her.

_I know it's rude to show up unannounced, so I'm announcing my arrival. I could be at your place in ten minutes with Vietnamese food and I might even have your favorite ice cream. Can I come by?_

She was grinning when she read his text. God, he was such a dork. Of course she wanted to see him! She looked up at her phone and remembered that she wasn't alone. _Fuck_!

"What's wrong?"

She sighed unhappily. "Steve is on his way."

"Oh. I...I can leave for a few hours. Walk around for a bit."

That was an option, but it didn't make her feel better. She bit her lip. "Maybe we should just tell him?"

"No!" He snapped. "No! I'm not ready! The month is not over yet and we're not even close to finding that book. No!"

"Okay." She said calmly. She didn't want to agitate him. "I...I text you when he leaves."

James looked suddenly very uncomfortable. "Don't you think he's gonna...stay the night?" She was almost amused by the fact that James seemed slightly disgusted by Steve's potential sex life. "I can come back tomorrow morning. When he's gone."

She didn't know if Steve wanted to spend the night. She would love it though, if he did. It didn't even have to happen anything sexual between them, she would just like to sleep next to him. But she also just couldn't let James walk around New York all night. But she also didn't want to turn down Steve if he wanted to stay the night. She could send James to her safe house in Queens. That _no one_ knew about. Not even Clint or Steve. It was not something that she wanted to do. Her net of safe houses was something that she kept to herself. But she couldn't think of anything else. She couldn't just book a room for him somewhere.

She grabbed a pen from the coffee table and ripped a page out of a fashion magazine. She wrote down the address and security code of her safe house. "You can go there."

"Thanks." James took the paper and stood up. "I'll take the files with me to go through them. I'll tell you tomorrow if I found anything."

He collected the files and put them into his backpack. She gave him the key to her place in Queens and he disappeared through her bedroom window. She quickly swiped her place to make sure that nothing looked suspicious and Steve was already knocking on her door when she was done.

She checked herself in the mirror and slightly frowned. Her hair was a mess from the heat and she quickly pulled it into a top knot. She got her perfume out of her purse and applied it to her neck and wrists. She slid the little bottle back into her purse and walked the few steps to her door.

Steve was smiling brightly at her. "Hi!"

She almost laughed about the fact that his t-shirt looked like it was going to rip any moment. Man, the guy was build! "Hey. Come in!"

She stepped aside after he'd pecked her lips and she closed the door when he was inside.

"I got us summer rolls. I can't eat anything hot with that heat outside. Thank God you have AC." He put the big paper bag on her coffee table when he was in the living room. "I might even got you that iced tea you love so much."

"You're the best." It warmed her heart that he remembered what she liked and didn't like. She walked over to him and grabbed the collar of his shirt to pull him towards her. "Thank you." She kissed him, her arms looped around his neck. Steve made a happy sound and wrapped his arms around her waist to pull her flush against him. Butterflies were fluttering in her stomach while he kissed her. She had never been much of a kisser until him.

She sighed into the kiss and Steve used that to lick his way into her mouth. _Oh_, that was very nice.

She was about to pull him with her onto the couch, when he suddenly jerked away. "Shit, the ice cream!" He yelled and stuck his hand into the paper bag. He pulled a tub of her favorite flavor out and ran with it into her kitchen.

She laughed and got their food and her iced tea out of the bag. Steve came back with two plates and a sheepish smile on his face. "I think I saved it in time."

"My hero." She leaned back with the back of her hand against her forehead, swooning like one of the women in those old movies.

Steve chuckled and sat down on the couch with her. "How was your day?"

"Uh, good. I had a few errands to run." She put a few summer rolls on his plate. "Yours?"

"I checked a few art schools out today." He answered shyly. "I'm thinking about taking a few classes if I find the time for it." She looked at him and he blushed. "It's probably silly, right?"

"No. no. Not at all." She said quickly. "I think it's a wonderful idea! You're so talented and I'm sure it will be good for you to be surrounded by other artists. You should definitely do it!" She smiled and didn't fight the urge to press a kiss to his shoulder.

"Obviously I'm not gonna be able to go very often, but I think it'll be good to improve my techniques."

A thought crossed her mind. "Hey, let me know if you have to draw a nude portrait as an assignment. I can be your model." She said, her lips curving into a smirk.

"Good...good to know." He breathed out and his gaze wandered over her body. "I don't think I would do your beauty justice, though."

She grinned and let her hand rest on his knee. He was getting better and better at this whole flirting thing. "Good answer."

Steve told her over dinner about the different schools and she listened to him, assuring him that he would definitely belong there. He seemed to be a little bit worried that the others would think he wasn't a _real_ artist if they realized who he was.

"Since when do you care what others think about you?"

He huffed a laughed out. "You're right, I don't. But art people can be quite snobby."

"Yeah, but those are students and not artists who think they are God's gift." She reminded him. "And you are _really_ good, Steve."

His cheeks turned into a pretty pink. "Thank you."

They finished the summer rolls (with Steve eating the majority) and he asked her if she wanted ice cream as dessert. She shook her head and climbed into his lap. "I want this." She whispered and cupped his face with her hands. His breath hitched and he wrapped his arms around her. God, she felt so tiny compared to him. "Okay?"

"Yes." He whispered, leaning forward to kiss her.

They ended up with her laying on her back on the couch, Steve on top of her. She had one leg wrapped around his waist and they just kissed and kissed. She almost felt like this was something that she should have done when she had been a teenage girl. Making out with a cute boy on a couch. She didn't want to dwell on her missed youth. She was actually happy that Steve was the first one she was experiencing this with. And she didn't think that Steve had made out with a lot of girls when he was a teenager.

The longer they kissed, the braver he became. His hands traveled over her body, and he wasn't shy to touch her ass after she gave him the sign that she liked it. Which was good, because she was pawing at his ass as well.

He stayed the night, but they didn't have sex. They made out more in her bed and Steve got to second base for the first time in his life. He touched her with so much care and awe that she actually blushed when he looked at her while his hand had been under her camisole.

They'd talked about the physical aspect of their relationship and agreed to take things slowly and she was okay with that. Sleeping with Steve would be special. It was almost like it would also be _her_ first time, not just his. She'd never slept with someone that meant as much to her as Steve did.

The buzzing of her phone woke her up the next morning. Steve was spooning her, his face buried in her neck. She tried to reach for her phone on the nightstand, but Steve's arms tightened around her and he pulled her against him.

She managed to reach her phone. She had gotten a text.

_I recognized someone. Karpov. He has been my handler in the 90s. I think he had the book at one point._

Karpov?! He had been her handler as well! She put the phone back and tried to calm her breathing. Had she been working for Hydra as well? That didn't matter now. Karpov was smart and cunning, maybe he had taken the book and still had it.

Steve's breathing changed, telling her that he was waking up. He kissed along the slope of her neck and she tried to focus on _that_ and not to think about Karpov and Hydra.

"Morning." He murmured against her skin. His voice was low and sleepy and she shivered.

She turned into his arms to look at him. "Good morning." She couldn't help but smile brightly at him. He looked so adorable with his tousled hair and the pillow imprint on his face.

"God, I love you." He breathed out and cupped her face with one hand. Her eyes widened and she froze. Steve didn't even seem to realize what he'd just said and kissed her. "Do you wanna get breakfast, sweetheart?"


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter IV

Natasha didn't have that much time to think about Steve's accidental love confession. She was pretty sure that it had just slipped since he hadn't repeated it or even expected her to say it back. Could she even say it back? Did she...did she love him? Was what she was feeling love? She knew that she had never felt this way for anyone ever before, but was it _love_?

Steve was important to her, he was probably the most important person in her life. She usually didn't care what other people thought about her, but his opinion was very important. His kindness and bravery was her morale compass and she was willing to follow him to the ends of the world. And when he smiled at her...butterflies were dancing in her stomach. And whenever she was with him, she felt calm and safe. She felt like she belonged somewhere. She'd never had a place in this world, but she couldn't help but feel like her place was by his side.

"You still with me?"

She looked at James, blinking a few times. "Yes. Yes, of course. Did you find anything about Karpov in the SHIELD files?"

"Not really." He tilted his head. He was watching her, _reading_ her. "Are you okay?"

"Of course." She answered immediately. But she wasn't okay. Steve had told her that he loved her, she wasn't sure if she already loved him, and then she was keeping this giant secret from her boyfriend that could ruin their new relationship forever.

"You know that you can talk to me, right? I know we're not friends or anything. God, I don't even know if I can be anyone's friend again, but I can listen to you. Did something happen with Steve?"

She clenched her jaw and opened one of her old KGB files. "Let's just focus on Karpov. We need to find him." She heard James sigh, but didn't look up at him. She didn't want to talk about any of this. She just wanted to drive over to Steve so that he would wrap his arms around her.

All they could find in the official records was that Karpov left the FSB, formerly known as the KGB, in 2004 when he retired. Last known address was in Budapest, but that had been five years ago and now he could be anywhere. Tracking him down wouldn't be easy. Karpov was a smart son of a bitch, he knew how to hide. It would take her some time until she'd find him.

She tried to remember what he had talked about when he had been her handler, but he had mostly just barked orders at her and stared at her chest. Maybe he had some family, that could help her find him. She doubted that he had a wife or kids, but hopefully a sibling or cousin.

The sooner she found Karpov (and she just _knew_ that bastard had the book), the sooner she could tell Steve about everything and beg for his forgiveness. She was sure that he would forgive his best friend, but would he forgive _her_?

* * *

"You don't have to drive me home, Nat." Steve said with a little smile.

"Yes, I do!" She snapped while they walked into the garage of the Tower. "You almost died, you moron!"

She'd had to pause her search for Karpov because the Avengers had been needed in San Francisco where robots had been wrecking havoc. Steve had been thrown into the bay during the fight and he had been unconscious when Tony had finally located him and gotten him out of the water. She'd done CPR and then punched him in the shoulder when he'd finally opened his eyes. She had been so terrified during the time they had searched for him and her heart had stopped beating when Tony showed up with a lifeless Steve in his arms. She had thought for a second that she'd_ lost_ him.

"I'm sorry, Nat. It's not like I asked the robot to drown me!"

She sighed and got into one of Tony's cars. "I know. Just...just get in the car."

They drove in silence to Brooklyn. She didn't know what she was supposed to say, but she knew that she had to share her feelings with him. That was something people did in a healthy relationship, wasn't it?

She took a deep breath and saw out of the corner of her eye that Steve turned to look at her. Her eyes were on the road.

"I was scared, Steve. I know it's part of the job and it's something that we have to live with, but...but I was really fucking scared. I thought you were dead."

Steve's hand was suddenly on her knee, squeezing it. "I didn't mean to scare you, sweetheart. I'm sorry."

She didn't even realize that they were already in his street. She parked the car in front of his apartment building. "I know that you didn't do it on purpose." She looked at him. "We're both _reckless assholes,_ to quote Sam."

Steve laughed a little and cupped her face with his warm and big hands. She closed her eyes, enjoying the little moment.

"Open your eyes, Nat." She did and he was looking at her in a way that took her breath away. "I promise you that I will always, _always_, try to come back to you." He whispered fiercely and kissed her softly.

Natasha nodded, feeling a little bit better."I promise that I will try the same."

She followed him up to his apartment where Steve pressed her against the wall as soon as she stepped inside. She was surprised by his initiative, but she enjoyed the way he was kissing her. Something had changed between them, something very important, and they both could feel it.

"I love you." He whispered against her lips and kissed her before she could really react. "I love you. I love you so much." He kissed her again. "You don't have to say anything. I just want you to know that. I love you."

She bit her lip, unsure what to do. She knew that she, deep down, felt the same way, but she...she couldn't just say it. Yet.

She opened her mouth, but Steve was already kissing her again, licking his way into her mouth. She moaned softly and Steve pressed himself harder against her. She was trapped between him and the wall behind her. Usually she would hate that, she would feel trapped, but she didn't. Not with him. She knew that she was safe and that Steve would immediately let go of her if she asked him to.

His eyes were dark and hungry when he looked at her. She licked her lips at the sight that he made and his gaze fell immediately to her mouth.

"I'm ready." He whispered and his hands grabbed her waist, pushing her shirt a little bit up to brush his fingers over her exposed skin, causing her to shiver. "Are you?"

"Yes." She kissed him before she took his hand and led him to his bedroom.

* * *

She was still on cloud nine when she was on her way back to her apartment the next day. It was unlike her, but she just couldn't stop grinning. Sleeping with Steve, taking this step with him, had been amazing. It had been a little bit awkward in the beginning because they had been both nervous for different reasons, but then it'd just clicked and it had been perfect.

He had told her again that he loved her and she had promised him that he was the only one for her. And one day, she knew that, she would say those three words back to him. She wasn't there yet, but she knew that he would the only who would ever hear these words from her.

She unlocked her door and stopped in her tracks when she saw blood on the floor. She went for the gun underneath the little table in her hallway and walked further into the apartment.

"It's just me." James yelled from the bathroom.

She lowered her gun and walked to the bathroom. The door was open and James was standing with his back in front of the mirror, trying to get something out of his shoulder blade.

"What the fuck happened?"

He looked at her. "I heard something last night and checked it out. Some thugs were trying to rob a girl. I chased them off, but got shot. I can't get the bullet out."

"What were you thinking?" She snapped and turned him around to get a look at his wound. "What if someone recognized you! It could have been a trap! How could you be so stupid?"

"So I should have just ignored those cries of help?! Just let those assholes rob that girl, maybe do something even worse to her?" He hissed back. "I wore a hoodie. No one saw my arm and I made sure to keep my head down."

"I know that you did the right thing." She told him while she poked around in his wound with a tweezer until she found the bullet. "We just have to be careful. Hydra is still out there and has resources. We both know that they want you back!"

"Yeah. Hey, I saw you guys last night on TV. Nice job!" He looked over his shoulder. "How's Stevie?"

"He's good. We found him in time."

Her mind went back to last night and this morning and she tried her hardest not to blush. It was none of James' business that she and Steve had slept with each other.

She had problems to get the bullet with the tweezer and it took her a few tries until she finally had a hold on it. She was just about to pull the bullet out of his muscle when there were suddenly noises in her hallway.

"Nat?! Are you here? Are you okay?!"

_Shit_! Fuck! That was _Steve_. James turned around, the motion pulling the bullet completely out of him, and just stared at her.

"Natasha?" That was Tony's voice. What the fuck was going on? Why the fuck were they here? What the fuck was she supposed to do?

She wanted to get out of the bathroom and shut the door behind her to get rid of them, but Steve, with his shield in his hands, was already standing in the doorway. His eyes widened and he was staring at her. And James. Who was shirtless.

Tony appeared behind him, looking extremely confused and slightly amused.

"What the fuck?" Steve yelled, dropping his shield to the floor. His face was a mix between utter confusion and anger. His gaze was flicking from her to James. And back to her. "What the fuck is going on in here?!"


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter V

Natasha always prided herself with the fact that she always knew what to do. No matter what situation she was in, she was always in control and let things happen the way she wanted to. But right now, for the first time in her life, she was fucking clueless. She had no idea what to do. All she knew was that she could not lose Steve because of this. No, she flat out refused to let that happen.

"This isn't what it looks like." She blurted out. Why the hell was James still shirtless?!

He was still staring at her with wide eyes. "What's going on? I understand nothing right now." He shook his head. "Friday alerts us that Bucky has been spotted in your neighborhood and you're not answering your phone and I...I thought something happened to you!"

"You think I'd hurt Natasha?" James chose that moment to speak up. Why couldn't he shut his mouth?!

Steve raised an eyebrow. "_Natasha_?"

"He had a bullet in his shoulder blade and I got it out." She tried to explain, holding the bloody tweezer up. Maybe she could just say that he'd showed up with the wound and asked her to patch him up.

God, how could things get so horrible so fast? This morning she'd waken up in Steve's arms and he'd made love to her before they'd had breakfast in bed.

"You just showed up at Romanoff's doorstep, Captain Comrade?" Tony quipped in. "Why did you not go to your best pal over there? And also why are there pillows and blankets on your couch?"

Steve looked confused for a second. "Wait...Is he...Are you_ staying_ here, Bucky?"

She wanted to lie, but she knew that would just make everything worse. "Yes, he is." She would never forget the look of betrayal on his face. James was completely silent next to her.

"For how long?"

"This isn't her fault. I asked her to." James said quietly.

"For how long, Nat?" Steve repeated.

"Two weeks." She whispered, not brave enough to look into his eyes. She'd never thought she would ever feel ashamed in her life, but she was now.

"Oh boy." She heard Tony muttered under his breath.

"Two weeks?!" Steve yelled and she looked up at him. His jaw was clenched and his arms were crossed. He seemed so angry and she felt like someone punched her in the gut. "We've been together for two weeks! God, we had sex three hours ago!"

"You're not a virgin?!" That was fucking Tony again. "Wait, you two are a thing?!"

"I wanted to tell you!" She pleaded with Steve and came closer to him. He took a step back and that was another punch to the gut.

"I told you that I love you! I trusted you! More than anyone and you didn't tell me that my best friend was crashing on your couch! What the fuck, Natasha!"

"It's not her fault!" James repeated and Steve looked at him. "I pretty much forced her not to tell you. I didn't mean to put her into this position, but she's the only one who can help me."

"Why didn't you come to me, Buck? Huh? You've been yourself all this time and then you go to my girlfriend and not me?!" He snapped and she was almost glad that his anger wasn't only directed at her. "I've looked everywhere for you!"

"I know. I wasn't ready. I'm still not ready. I'm still a danger to you. To the world. And Natasha is helping me change that."

Steve was looking at her again. Not with anger anymore, but with sadness and defeat, and that was even worse.

"Hey, Robo arm!" Tony spoke up. "You've ever been to the tower? I don't think so, right? Let's go, I want to take a look at your arm. We should leave the love birds alone so they can talk." James looked at her and she nodded. He put his shirt back on and followed Tony out of the bathroom.

Steve was staring at something behind her and she sighed. She had no idea what to do. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry!"

Steve didn't say anything. He didn't even look at her.

"I didn't want any of this. I told him that. I wanted to tell you immediately."

"But you didn't."

"You're right, I didn't. But I should have." She took a deep breath and told him everything. About James showing up, about her reluctance, about his trigger words and the search for the book. And her ultimatum. "I know it's no excuse, but I did it to protect you. They would send him after you and you wouldn't fight back. And I won't let anyone hurt you."

"I can't believe you lied to me this whole time. You know how important Buck is to me and you just kept him from me." Steve bit his trembling lip and he looked like he was about to cry. God, she had never felt worse in her entire life. The last thing she wanted to do was to hurt the man she loved. Wait, what?! "I thought this whole time you were opening up to me and the times of secrets and manipulation were over. I thought we were a team. I thought that we were building something that would last for a very long time."

"I am so, so sorry, Steve! I'll do whatever it takes so that you forgive me! He asked me not to tell you and I now know that I should have told you right after he showed up at my apartment. My loyalty is with you, Steve!" Her voice broke and she knew she was on the verge of crying. This had never happened to her before. It felt strange.

She didn't know what else to say because she had always been better with actions than words. She lunched forward, cupping his face, and kissed him. She poured everything into the kiss and was more than relieved when he kissed her back. That was a good sign, right? She slung her arms around him and just kissed and kissed him. She never wanted to let go off him. She _loved_ him.

Steve abruptly pulled away and took a step back. "I think...I think we should take a break." His voice sounded shaky and she knew that her eyes were full of tears. Just like his.

"Are you breaking up with me?" She choked out. That was the last thing she wanted. She wanted to be with him!

"I just think we shouldn't see each other for some time. There's a lot for me to think about. You lied to me. I don't know if I can trust you again. This effects the team. And our private life."

"I love you!" She didn't mean to say it right now, but it just slipped out. But it was the truth. She loved him. She loved him so much.

He swallowed audibly and shook his head. "You know how much I wanted to hear those words from you? I knew you needed time and I was okay with that...But now...I don't even know if you truly mean them or if you're just saying it out of guilt."

"I'm not. I love you!"

He picked his shield up from the floor. "I need time. Please don't call me. Just...just stay away from me." He walked out of the bathroom and every voice in her head was screaming at her to run after him. But she didn't. He'd asked for distance and she would give him that. She owed him that.

She sunk down to the floor when she heard her front door close and let the tears fall down. She was crying for the first time in her life, feeling sorry for herself. Hating herself. She'd just wanted to protect Steve, she hadn't meant for any of this to happen. She couldn't believe that she and Steve were already history, when they had just begun.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter VI

Natasha had always assumed that people were highly exaggerating when they said that lovesickness was as worse as grief, but she realized that they had been right. She felt numb and depressed and her heart was just broken. She had never felt this way before and she almost resented Steve for making her feel this way.

Why did it hurt so much?

Why did she have to miss him so much?

Why was she thinking about him all the time and couldn't focus on anything else?

Why did she have to fall in love?

And why, _why_, did she have to fuck everything up? She knew that this whole mess could have been avoided if she had told Steve the truth right after James had showed up. But_ no_, she had to be a moron and kept everything to herself. Steve hated her and it was her fault. She could still be with him if she had just fessed up. She didn't even know if he truly believed her when she had told him that she loved him.

She hadn't heard from Steve in five days and she fought everyday with herself not to go to his place to beg him to take her back. He'd asked for space and she knew that she had to accept that. But it was so goddamn hard! She wanted him back!

Natasha had no idea where James was. When she had woken up from her nap after crying her eyes out in her bathroom, his stuff had been gone. Had Steve forgiven him and he was staying at his apartment? That wouldn't be fair! The whole fucking thing had been James' idea!

She was just glad that the Avengers hadn't needed to assemble and she had been able to stay away from the Tower and the team. She was sure that the others knew about the whole thing thanks to Tony. Did they hate her as well? Sam probably did, since he was always on Steve's side.

And that fucker Karpov was still nowhere to be found, but she would find him. She had no clue if Steve was now looking for the book as well, but she wouldn't think about that. She would find Karpov, get that book and then burn it so that no one could ever use it to turn Barnes into the Winter Soldier again.

She just had to finish this or she would have lost Steve for nothing. And no matter what, she would always protect him. Even if he didn't want her to.

* * *

She thought that she'd tracked down Karpov in Toronto and took the next flight to check, but it turned out to be a bust. There were no signs that he had ever lived here and she was fucking mad. At herself, at Karpov and the world.

Where the fuck was the bastard? She had to get that goddamn book!

She was lucky and could catch a plane on the same day to get back to New York. She'd left the airport and was about to hail a cab when a sports car came to a stop in front of her.

The window rolled down. "You need a ride, Red?"

She just stared at Tony for a moment. She hadn't seen anyone of the team in over a week. Had he heard from Steve? Did Tony knew how he was doing? Was he hurting as well?

"Natasha?"

"Uh, yes. Thank you." She got into the passenger seat and hugged her backpack. "How do you even know that I'm here?"

"Friday." Tony replied like it was the most normal thing in the world and drove off the parking lot. "She keeps an eye on all of us."

"Uh-huh."

"So, how are you?"

She narrowed her eyes at him while he looked at the street. "I'm just peachy keen."

He had the audacity to huff out a laugh. "Sure. Just like Steve. He's also a joy to be around with at the moment."

That caught her attention. "Have you seen him?" She hated how weak her voice sounded in that moment.

"Yeah. He stopped by the Tower a few days ago. Barnes is staying there, by the way. Steve is also not talking to him if you're wondering." Tony sighed. Maybe it was terrible of her, but she was glad that Steve hadn't forgiven James. "He's not good. He's miserable. Just like you. I know I'm not the leading authority on relationships, but can you two not just work it out? You messed up. So apologize and introduce him to make up sex."

She decided to ignore the last part of what Tony had just said. "He wants space. And I already told him how sorry I am. I hurt him and he needs time to figure out what he wants."

"That sounds very mature."

"Well, that was what Laura told me when I called her."

Tony smiled. "That makes sense." He looked over to her. "Give him time, but not too much. Not that he actually talked with me about the whole thing, but he needs to know how serious you are about him. And how much you regret keeping this from him."

* * *

She knew that she had really gone soft and lost her mind when she let the black cat in, that frequently showed up at her window begging for food and cuddles.

She'd usually shooed the animal away, but this time she didn't. She needed the company and she had to admit that having a purring cat in her lap was kind of nice and relaxing. The cat wanted to be let out after she had taken a nap on Natasha's thighs and she couldn't help but feel hurt when it left, but she somehow knew that the cat would show up again and Natasha was looking forward to it. God, was she turning into a crazy cat lady?!

Karpov was still nowhere to be found and she was wondering if his training was that good or if he was already dead. But with her luck, he was probably just as good at being off the grid as her. She would have to start looking for other people soon if she didn't find him. People from her own past. People from the Red Room. She didn't want to, but maybe one of them was still in contact with Karpov.

Was Steve now looking for the book as well? Were Tony and Barnes looking for it? Had Steve told Tony what had really happened to his parents? She didn't think that Tony knew the truth or otherwise he wouldn't let James stay at the Tower.

So wasn't it hypocritical of Steve to be mad at her for keeping a secret from him to protect him when he was doing the same?! But then again, she hadn't told Tony the truth as well, so maybe she wasn't really in a position to judge.

She groaned and shut her laptop. Another potential trail about Karpov's whereabouts turned out to be a waste of time. She had enough for today. She would start to look for Yelena tomorrow, the other Widow was still with the Russians and if she knew anything about Karpov -Natasha would make her talk.

She got her vodka bottle out of her freezer and drank straight from it, sitting on her couch. She had been hoping that the black cat would show up today to comfort her a little bit, but of course it didn't. What an asshole.

The bottle was way too soon empty and she couldn't find any other booze in her apartment. She grabbed her wallet and phone and went to the nearest bar, ordering a vodka on the rocks and telling the barkeeper to just leave the bottle. She was going to drown her sorrows tonight.

Why did she had to fall in love with Steve? Huh? With his stupid blue eyes and his stupid smile? Why did he have to be so sweet and kind? Why did he have to make her feel all these things? She had been fine without him! She hadn't needed him and his stupid broad shoulders that were perfect to rest her head on!

A few men approached her, but she chased them away. Really, couldn't a women drink alone in a bar without getting hit on?! Stupid men! And stupid Steve who would never do something like this! Oh, how she missed him! He was so perfect and she _wasn't_ -of course, she would mess their relationship up! It had always been meant to end this way. She didn't deserve him.

God, what if he'd already met someone else?! Her eyes widened in shock and she grabbed the vodka bottle to refill her glass, but it was empty. She made a face and signaled the barkeeper to bring her a new one.

"I think you had enough."

She blinked at him a few times to focus. Why was everything so blurry? "Yeah, of you!" She spat out. "I want another drink."

"No. You almost had a whole bottle and you were already drunk when you got in here."

"I'm not drunk!"

The bastard chuckled. "Really. Then touch the tip of your nose with your finger."

"No problem." She did as she was told, but she poked herself in the cheek. Fuck! She tried it again, but this time she almost poked her eye out. "I did that on purpose."

"Of course you did. Do you want me to call you a cab? Or is there anyone else that can get you?"

She really had to be drunk, because she would have never called if she had been sober. But all her defenses were down and she was too drunk to do the right thing. She slurred the location of the bar into the phone, hang up, and dropped her head onto the bar.

"Natasha?"

She turned her head and Steve was standing next to her with a worried look on his face. God, he looked so good! And he _came_. Of course, he came! "Hi?"

"She had a whole vodka bottle and she was already intoxicated when she showed up." She heard the barkeeper tell Steve while she was just staring at him. He was so beautiful and so sweet. And she loved him so much!

Steve paid her tab before she could even get her wallet out. "Can you walk?"

She hopped off the bar stool, a little wobbly, but she would manage. "Yeah." He nodded and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, leading her out of the bar. "Thank you, Steve." He didn't say anything and walked with her the little distance to her apartment.

"I'm sorry." She whispered when he helped her into her bed and put a bucket next to her bed. "For this. And for everything else. I am so, so sorry."

"Here." He handed her a water bottle. "You have to drink water."

She emptied almost the whole thing before she gave the bottle back to him.

"Thank you. I love you." She said quietly and she was too drunk to read Steve's reaction. "I _really_ love you. I never loved anyone before. Not like this. And I'm sorry I fucked everything up." She slurred out. God, why didn't she stop talking? "I love you. I never wanted to hurt you. I thought I was doing the right thing. I love you. I love you so much. And it hurts so much." She looked up at him."Are you hurting too?"

"Yes."

She bit her lip and tried her hardest not to cry. "I'm sorry. Why does it hurt so much?"

"Do you really love me?" He asked so quietly that she almost didn't hear him.

"Yes. So much that it scares me. The last week has been hell."

"Yeah, for me too." He looked so sad and it was because of her. She was the worst.

"Do you hate me?"

He brushed her hair behind her ear and she almost purred at the contact. Oh, that felt _so nice_. "No. I don't think that I ever could."

Thank God! He didn't hate her! She was releasing the breath she didn't realize she had been holding. "Do you...do you still love me?"

Steve closed his eyes for a moment before he looked back at her. "Of course, I always will."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter VII

A new lead brought her the next day with a _massive_ hangover to Cleveland where Karpov could be potentially living. Despite her headache, she had a good feeling about this. She could always feel it in her gut when she was closing in on a target and this time felt no different. She _knew_ that she would find him in Cleveland. Living there under the radar was actually kind of brilliant. The city had everything that you needed, it was big enough that you could live anonymously, but it wasn't a city that you'd think of first.

He was here. She knew it.

She rented a car and drove to someone who could provide her with weapons. She wouldn't have been able to smuggle any guns onto the plane and she didn't want to ask Stark if he would let her use one of his jets. She didn't want anyone to know what she was doing. No, she would come back with the book and then work on her relationship with Steve. He hadn't been there when she had woken up, but she was sure that they could work things out. He'd said that he still loved her, so there was still hope. She would show him how sorry she was until he was ready to forgive her and to move on. And she would promise him that she would never betray him again.

No, she learned her lesson. She would never keep anything from him again, even if she would have done it to protect him. A relationship was built on trust and honesty and she knew what she had done was wrong. She should have never kept James from Steve. No, she knew better now and she would always be honest with Steve. She loved him and she wanted to be a better person because of him. She wouldn't fall back into her old ways, the time of lies and manipulation was over.

She got her weapons and got back on the road to drive to the neighborhood she was sure that Karpov was living in. She circled the area and one house looked so extremely normal that it had to be it. House and garden looked well kept, but not too well kept so that it wouldn't catch anyone's eye.

She hid her gun in the back of her jeans and walked up to the house. A car was in the driveway so the owner of the house was probably at home. She tried to listen for any noises, but couldn't hear anything. It was completely silent. No TV, no music, no chatter, nothing.

The lock on the door was nothing fancy ( would have drawn attention) and she got it picked in no time. She got her gun out and made her way through the small hallway. She could see from there into the living room and no one was in it, but an arm chair had been thrown over and the TV was broken. Was she too late?!

She went back into the hallway to check out the other rooms. Next was the kitchen and she found Karpov's body when she walked into the room. Someone had hung him up upside down and drowned him in the kitchen sink.

"Fuck!"

She ran over to check his body and came to the conclusion that he couldn't have been longer dead than two or three hours. She couldn't help but yell and kick a kitchen chair. Had she really missed the book by just a few fucking hours?

She searched the whole house and found a hole in the bedroom wall. She just knew that the book had been hidden there and someone had been here before her, killed Karpov and taken the book. Shit, this was not good.

She got her phone out of her little backpack and alerted the rest of the team. They _really_ had a problem now.

* * *

Happy was waiting for her at LaGuardia and drove her to the Tower where the rest of the team would be already there.

Someone was out there, waiting to activate the Winter Soldier, and they had to stop them. _She_ had to stop them, so Steve wouldn't get hurt. But it was a good thing that James was already at the most secure place in the world. Tony always said that no one could get into the Tower and she really hoped that he was right.

She thanked Happy for driving her and took the elevator to the floor where the conference room was. Friday opened the door for her and Natasha stopped in her tracks when she saw that only one person was in the room.

_Steve_.

He was with his back to her, but she was sure that he knew that she was standing behind him. "Hi."

He turned around. His expression was neutral. He didn't look angry, but he also didn't look exactly happy to see her. "Hey."

She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry about yesterday. I shouldn't have called you."

"It's okay."

"I...I actually got drunk because of you. I mean it's not your fault that I got drunk...but I just...it hurt so much and I wanted it to stop hurting. I just wanted to numb the pain." She admitted in shame.

Steve almost looked compassionate. "Are you still hurting?"

She nodded. "Yes."

"Me, too." He came closer to her. "And I'm done with it."

What did that mean?

She opened her mouth, but Steve held his hand up so she stayed quiet. "I have to be honest, Nat. It will take some time until I completely trust you again. But I also know that you didn't lie to me because you wanted to hurt me. I know that you thought that you were protecting me. Doesn't mean I'm okay with what you did, but you thought you were doing the right thing. And I know that Bucky pushed you into a corner and that wasn't okay."

He was now standing in front of her and she forgot how breathing worked. "Do you promise to never keep something like that from me again?"

"Yes! And I'm truly sorry! I swear that I will never do it again!" She promised fiercely. "I love you, Steve. I really do. So much, and I never meant to hurt you. I am so sorry!"

He smiled a little. God, how she had missed that smile! "I forgive you."

She had tears in her eyes. "Really?"

"Yes, really." He nodded and cupped her face with one hand. "And I love you, too."

"I love you. I love you." She whispered and he brushed the tear away that fell out of her eye. And then he was finally kissing her again and they both weren't hurting anymore. She felt like herself again. Natasha wrapped her arms around Steve's waist and just kissed and kissed him.

Steve pulled away after some time and leaned his forehead against hers. "I missed this. I missed you."

"I missed you, too. So much." She admitted and snuggled closer to him. "I'll never risk losing you again. I promise."

"I know." He kissed the tip of her nose and she smiled to herself. Everything would be fine, she knew that now.

"I hate to break up this little love fest -" _Tony_ was suddenly in the room. She hadn't even noticed him coming in. "But we have a book to find before Captain Comrade can make a comeback."

She looked from Steve to the door where the whole team, plus James, was standing. Looked like now everyone knew that she and Steve were together or rather back together, but she didn't care about that. She had Steve back and that was all that mattered.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter VIII

Tony had Friday check every channel and the dark web for anything that could be about the book and Natasha texted Fury to keep his eye open. So far no one had offered the book for sale, so they had to assume that the person wanted to use the book for themselves.

They all agreed that James should stay inside the Tower to make sure that no one could get to him to activate the Winter Soldier, he hadn't been very happy about his house arrest but he agreed to it in the end.

She'd noticed during the briefing that James kept watching her and Steve interact. She didn't think that the two already had a chance to talk about their friendship and where they stood now. She knew how much James meant to Steve, he was his Clint, and she wanted them to make up.

The rest of the team had already left the room and only James was still with them, awkwardly standing in the corner next to the water cooler.

"Have you talked to James?" She whispered to Steve, even though she was aware that Barnes could most likely hear her thanks to his enhanced hearing. Steve shook his head and looked over to his best friend. "Then you're going to do that now, while I go home and cook something for us."

Steve grinned a little. "Since _when_ can you cook?"

"Fine, I'll go home and order something." She leaned over to him and pressed her lips directly against his ear. "And then I introduce you to make up sex. I'm gonna blow your mind." She whispered very quietly, praying that Barnes didn't hear her.

"O-Okay. Yes." Steve gulped out and she didn't miss how his cheeks turned a little bit red.

She smiled and pecked his lips. "I see you later." She gave him another quick kiss, just because she could _finally_ kiss him again, and walked out of the room after she said bye to James.

The food was already here, she'd decided to order steaks because she felt fancy, and had dolled herself up a little bit. She knew that Steve liked her natural curls, so she hadn't done anything with her hair after her shower, and put on nice lingerie before she slipped into her sundress.

She'd changed her sheets and decorated her kitchen table with some candles. She took a step back to admire her work. Yeah, the table looked very nice. She wasn't very romantic and neither was Steve, but she still thought that she should do something to set the mood. She would never be the girl who would be overly romantic, but she still wanted to do nice and sweet things for her man. It was a way to show her love and affection for him.

A knock on the door interrupted her train of thoughts and she quickly got to the door to let Steve in. She was almost giddy and nervous because of their date. Which was kind of ridiculous since she was a grown woman and she'd already had dates _and_ sex with Steve, but this was her second chance with him and she wouldn't, _couldn't_, mess it up.

She opened the door and Steve was smiling at her with a bouquet of beautiful flowers in his hands. "Hey, sweetheart."

The butterflies were dancing in her stomach, it felt so good that he was calling her that again. "Hi."

"These are for you." He handed her the flowers and she smelled them.

"Thank you, Steve. They're beautiful." She stepped aside to let him in and Steve walked into her apartment after kissing her until she was out of breath.

She asked him how his talk with James went while she put the flowers into a vase.

"We made up. He apologized and explained that he wasn't ready yet to face me because he feels like he isn't the Bucky that I used to know. He didn't want to disappoint me and he knows that it was wrong to ask all of that of you."

She came over and wrapped her arms around him. "And you're really okay now? You're really not mad anymore? At me or James?"

"I moved on. No one is perfect and I know that the both of you didn't do it to hurt me. This is behind us. We'll find the book and destroy it and then we'll never talk about this again." He kissed her forehead and she closed her eyes. She was so relieved and happy that she had Steve back and that they would get over this.

"I love you and I wanna be with you. Forever." He admitted in a small voice and seemed insecure.

She took a deep breath. This was a lot to take in, but she knew that she wanted it too. Even though being in a committed relationship was completely new to her, but then again, so it was for Steve.

"I could only ever love you, Steve. You're _it_ for me. There will never be anyone else."

* * *

There were no clues about the whereabouts of the book which wasn't a good thing since whoever had it had more time to plot, but it also meant that she could spend the week with Steve.

There were more dates, including a trip to Coney Island that would have almost ended with them getting arrested for public indecency if one of them hadn't stopped them before things got too hot and heavy.

They visited James at the Tower and she could see with her own two eyes that Steve and his best friend were on good terms again. And it just made her so happy to see Steve reunited with James. Something of him had been missing in the last years and now it was finally back with him.

They went to Steve's apartment after their visit at the Tower and they were in his bed with Steve drawing with his fingertip on her naked back while she was hugging one of his pillows that smelled like him.

"You know, one of the other girls back in the Red Room always wanted a boyfriend. She had been a little older than the rest of us when she was taken and she always said that she would run away one day and find a boy who would love her." She never really talked about her time in the Red Room and she wasn't even sure why she was mentioning Katinka right now.

Steve stopped moving his finger on her skin and started to rub comforting circles on her back. She turned her head to look at him and he was looking at her with so much love and understanding that she had to swallow.

"I told her that she was being silly. That love was for children and that that attitude wouldn't get her far..." She didn't want Steve to know that she had been the one in the end that had killed Katinka in a training exercise, but she somehow thought that he already figured it out.

She took a deep breath, moving her hand to cup his beautiful face. "Kind of ironic that _I'm_ the one who ran away and found a boy who loves her."

Steve smiled softly and pressed a kiss into her hand. "And I'll always love you."

She scooted closer to him and Steve wrapped his arm around her to pull her against him. "I will always love you, too. I don't know what the future will bring, but I know this. I will always love you and I will always be by your side. No matter what."

"No matter what." Steve repeated and kissed her deeply, causing her to shiver. She hadn't known it for the majority for her life, but this, _Steve_, was all she ever wanted.

* * *

Two days later, the team was at the Tower getting ready for a mission in the Kongo. Everyone was already suited up and they were listening to Hill who was briefing them about the situation in the African country. James was lurking in the background and he almost looked like he wanted to come with them. Natasha was watching him while she pulled the zipper of her catsuit completely up. Steve had given her a beautiful necklace with a little medallion that had their initials engraved on it, and she wanted to make sure that she wouldn't lose it during the mission. He had been totally adorable when he had given her the piece and she had promised to always wear it.

"Captain Rogers?"

Steve looked up. "Yes, Friday?"

"An abandoned secret army base in Siberia seems to be reactivated."

She exchanged looks with Steve. That couldn't be good. Was it a coincidence or did it have anything to do with the book?

"What base?" James asked and everyone looked at him. Friday showed them satellite pictures of a snowed in army base. A truck was parked in front of it. "_Shit_."

"What is it, Bucky?"

James looked from the screen to Steve. "I know that base. I've been there...They didn't want the book for my words. They wanted the location of that bunker."

Natasha quirked an eyebrow. "Why?"

James clenched his jaw and then he looked almost guilty. "Because I'm not the only Winter Soldier." _What now_? She had never heard of any other soviet super soldiers. "They are five others. They went berserk and were put on cryo. I've fought them- they are lethal. I'm nothing compared to them. Something in their serum is...They are extremely dangerous."

"And you're only sharing this now with the class?" Tony asked and she had to agree with him. Five crazy Winter Soldiers were a huge fucking problem!

"Tony!" Steve used his Captain America voice. "Not now." Natasha could practically see how he was working on a new plan. "Okay. Rhodey, you take Sam and Wanda with you and deal with the situation in Kongo. Vision is already in the area and will meet you there. Tony, Nat, you are coming with me. We'll fly to Russia to check that base out." He looked at James. "Are you ready to join us, Bucky? We could use you, pal."

James looked from Steve to her and then back to Steve. "Yes. Yes, I'll come with you."

"Good. Then suit up. We'll meet you in five at the quinjet."

Natasha didn't know why, but she had a bad feeling when she followed Steve to the quinjet. She couldn't really explain it, but she felt like something terrible was going to happen in Siberia. Steve looked at her with a little smile on his face before he checked his equipment. She forced herself to return it, promising herself that she would do whatever it took to protect him.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter IX

"We're all aware of the fact that we're walking straight into a trap, right?"

Natasha rolled her eyes at Tony's statement while she landed the jet near the bunker. "No, we had no idea. Thanks for pointing that out, Captain Obvious." She saw Steve grinning at her out of the corner of her eye.

Tony made a face at her when she and Steve joined him and James at the ramp of the quinjet.

"Okay, guys. We have to assume that the Winter Soldiers are awake and probably waiting for us." He looked at Barnes. "How much in control are they?"

"Barely. I think it's kill or be killed."

Natasha looked at Steve. She knew that he didn't like that. He nodded. "Okay. Use lethal force if necessary. This is not a rescue mission. We have to eliminate the threat."

They nodded and Natasha gave Barnes one of her rifles so he was armed. She still had a bad feeling in her gut, but she couldn't let that control her. She had to stay focused and make sure that her team got out of there alive.

Tony and James were already out of the jet when she turned to Steve. "I love you." She whispered, taking his hand to squeeze it briefly.

He smiled and squeezed her hand back. "I love you."

She nodded and followed him down the jet. They loved each other and everything would be okay.

The door of the bunker was open and the first floor was clear. The truck was still here which meant that the Winter Soldiers also still had to be here. They took an elevator down and all four of them were tense. She sometimes wondered how Tony was dealing with these kind of situations. He'd never had any proper training. Compared to the others, he was a civilian.

The elevator stopped and the corridor before them was empty as well. Tony raised his arm to check the area with his suit.

"I got heat signatures." He said while they walked through the hall.

"How many?" She and Steve asked at the same time.

"Uh, just one."

Just one? Did whoever was behind this leave one behind and took the other four with them? What exactly was going on here? They entered another chamber and the lights went on. In front of them were five cryo chambers and the Winter Soldiers were _still_ in them. She took a closer look, they were _dead_. That didn't make any sense. She looked at Steve who also seemed confused. What the fuck was going on here?

"If it's any comfort, they died in their sleep." A male voice was echoing through the room. "Did you really think I wanted more of you monsters?"

"Who are you?" Steve demanded to know. Natasha looked around and discovered a man behind the window of some sort of control room. She'd never seen that face before. Who was he? Why did he kill the Winter Soldiers? None of this was making any sense!

"I'm grateful to them though. For their sacrifice. They brought you here."

Steve threw his shield at the glass but it didn't break. What a coward, hiding behind reinforced glass. "Please, Captain. The Soviets built this chamber to withstand the launch blast of UR-100 rockets."

"I bet I can beat that." Tony mocked and she really wanted him to. "I believe the Captain asked you a question. Who the fuck are you?"

Steve walked over to the control room and she followed him to make sure that this guy wasn't going to try anything. "Who are you?"

"I thought about nothing else for over a year. I studied you. I followed you. But now that you're standing here, I just realized... there's a bit of green in the blue of your eyes. How nice to find a flaw."

That accent. _Shit_. Wanda had the same one. This was about revenge. Fuck.

"You're Sokovian. Is that what this is about? You lost someone?" Steve asked and Natasha felt her blood run cold. Someone hellbent on revenge was unpredictable and ruthless.

"The name's Zemo. I want you to remember that. I lost _everyone_. And so will you. An empire toppled by its enemies can rise again. But one which crumples from within? That's dead... forever."

An old screen turned on and it showed a surveillance footage from December 1991. _Fuck_, she knew what the footage would show. That had been Zemo's plan all along and she had no doubt that it would work.

"I know that road. What is this?" Tony asked behind her and she turned around to find him staring at the screen. Steve watched Tony with unease and James looked away. This was the moment that would change _everything_. Forever. There was no coming back from this. This Zemo would get his revenge. They watched how the Winter Soldier killed Howard and then Maria Stark before he destroyed the surveillance cam.

Tony lunged towards Barnes but Steve stopped him. "Did you know this?"

"I didn't know it was him." Steve was still a horrible liar.

"Don't bullshit me, Rogers. Did you know this?"

"Yes."

Rage was flickering through Tony's eyes and she didn't know how to calm him down. She and Steve had never really talked about what Zola showed them two years ago, they'd silently agreed not to tell Tony about it and now they had to pay the price.

"Tony?" She asked calmly but he practically growled at her.

"Did you know about this too?"

There was no reason to lie to him. It would just make everything worse. "It was implied by Zola when SHIELD fell."

He clenched his jaw and put his face plate back on. The energy blast he sent towards them threw her, Steve and Barnes off their feet. James opened fire but Tony deflected the bullets and disarmed him.

Before she or Steve could do anything, Tony grabbed Bucky and slammed him into a wall. There was no chance to talk Tony out of it. They had to stop him before he killed Barnes out of rage. Steve threw his shield in Tony's direction to distract him from James. Tony was now lunging towards Steve and she fired at him to stop him. She understood that Tony was furious and felt betrayed, but they had to stop him before he did something that he would regret for the rest of his life. Killing James, and possibly killing _Steve_, wouldn't bring back his parents. Not that there was any chance that she would let Tony kill Steve. No, she would kill him before he could even try it. Tony picked a piece of metal up and threw it at her. She barely managed to jump out of the way. All sanity had clearly left him. He was out for blood.

Steve attacked Tony again but Barnes ran towards them and threw Tony off of Steve. Tony punched James so hard that the floor was splattered with blood. A grenade shot out of his suit but Barnes dodged the attack and it destroyed the wall behind him.

"Get out of here, Bucky! Get _her_ out of here!" Steve yelled and tackled Tony to the ground.

"No!" She yelled back and ran towards him and Tony. She was not going to leave him alone with a murderous Tony! Steve yelled Barnes' name and he suddenly had his hand wrapped around her upper arm and stopped her.

"Let's go!" He was dragging her away and she tried to shake him off.

"We have to help him!"

Tony managed to put Steve into a choke hold. "You've known and you didn't tell me! He slept under my roof! I took him in when you were mad because your girlfriend didn't tell you that he was crashing on her couch! But you didn't tell me that he killed my parents. My mom! He killed _my mom_!" He yelled and put more pressure on Steve's neck. Natasha watched all of this happen while she tried to shake James off of her. "You're a fucking hypocrite!"

"That wasn't him!"

"Bullshit!"

She rammed her elbow into James' stomach and he let go off her. She aimed her gun at Tony and a bullet flew past by his ear. She managed to distract him and Steve got out off his choke hold.

"Stop it, Tony!" She screamed. "I know you're angry and you have every right to be, but this isn't you. Do you really wanna kill James?" Tony just looked at her with pure hatred in his eyes. "You know that he had no control. You know that. You're not a murderer, Tony!"

"He killed my mom!"

"I know. And I'm so sorry. But this doesn't bring her back."

Tony clenched his jaw and then looked away. "Get out of here before I change my mind."

Steve looked at her, unsure what to do. She nodded at him and they left with James in tow the facility.

Zemo's truck was still there, thank God. She had no idea where that bastard was, but that wasn't their problem right now. They had to get out of here.

"I have a safe house a few hundred miles from here." She said to no one in particular. "Let's hope the truck will get us there."

No one said anything during the six hour drive. They were lucky and passed by a gas station to refill the tank and got to her safe house without any interruptions. They were all tired and Natasha just wanted to sleep. She had no idea what they were doing to do now. Could they return to New York? What would happen to the Avengers?

She unlocked the door and Steve and James followed her inside. The safe house wasn't big, but it was stocked, and had a bed and a couch. "Clothes are in that closet over there. There Clint's, so they should kind of fit."

She walked over to the small dresser where her clothes were and changed in the small bathroom. Steve and James had already changed when she came back and she almost laughed at how tight Clint's clothes were on them.

"What now?" Steve asked.

She shrugged her shoulders. "I have honestly no idea."

"I'm so sorry. This is all my fault." James looked to the ground. "All I do is cause you trouble."

"This wasn't your fault. You're a victim as well, Bucky." Steve assured him and Natasha nodded in agreement. Hydra was gone, but it was still causing problems.

"I'm exhausted. We should try to get some sleep and talk about everything tomorrow." She said, walking over to the bed.

James lied down on the couch while Steve climbed into the bed with her. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, James."

She was facing Steve and he looked so tired and guilty. "I'm sorry. I should have told him. He's right I'm a hypocrite. I was mad at you while keeping this huge thing from Tony."

"You did what you thought was right. And I knew about it too and I also didn't tell him. We handled the situation wrong and now we have to deal with the consequences." She whispered, stroking his cheek.

"What is gonna happen now?"

"I don't know. But we're gonna face it together, honey. You and me. _And_ James, I guess." She huffed out a laugh.

He have her a small smile. "I love you. So much."

"And I love you. It's gonna be okay." She kissed him softly. "Now try to get some sleep. We'll figure the rest out in the morning."

The End

* * *

_A/N: I'm taking a break. Endgame had me shook and I don't really know where to go from there, story-wise, tbh._

**_DO NOT POST SPOILERS IN THE REVIEWS IF YOU'VE ALREADY SEEN ENDGAME! DON'T RUIN IT FOR THE OTHERS!_**


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